There is no more difficult issue in a case than custody of children. Parents sometimes lose perspective when they’re angry at one another about what’s good for their kids. And many people believe that in order to get custody of their children what they have to do is come in and tell me all the bad things about the other parent. Well the news is that the parent who tells me all the bad things about the other parent and tells a judge all the bad things about the other parent is the parent who is going to lose custody. Because one of the most important things that a parent can do is to encourage the relationship between the child and the other parent.

Of course there are exceptions, when a parent is violent with a child or abuses the child in some way, but for the most part it’s very important for kids to feel that they have two loving parents. And a parent who won’t allow the child to have that is not a fit custodian.

We joke about the fact that sometimes we have to do a make over for a custody case. Somebody comes in very angry and they lead with their anger. The first thing you see is how angry they are at their former spouse or soon to be former spouse, and underneath that they’re wonderful parents. They’re caring. They’ve done everything for the child, but their rage is the only thing or the first thing that people see. And we try to give them avenues to divert their rage, so -- and to really get, get through to their inner caring for the child and, and all the wonderful things that they’ve done for the child throughout the child’s life.

You know probably one of the most important things in good parenting is the ability for a parent to subordinate his or her needs to the needs of a child. And once people begin to understand that and don’t see the child’s needs through the lens of their own feelings, they become much better parents and much better candidates for custody, and then we know we’re on the way. Thank you.